I am blogging this today because I KNOW all my Twitter and FB friends have got to be tired of my posts by now. On behalf of my family, thanks for all the prayers that have been said and those still going up. The events of the last 24 hours leave us not knowing what the future will hold, but we DO KNOW Who holds the future. And so does my dad!!
Wow! Where should I even start with this … Especially since I haven’t had coffee yet …
In chemistry, He turned water to wine.
In biology, He was born without the normal conception.
In physics, He disapproved the law of gravity when He ascended into heaven.
In economics, He disapproved the law of diminishing return by feeding 5,000 men with two fishes and 5 loaves of bread.
In medicine, He cured the sick and the blind without administering a single dose of drugs.
In history, He is the beginning and the end.
In government, He said that he shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace.
In religion, He said no one comes to the Father except through him;
So. Who is He? He is Jesus! The greatest man in history.
Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
He had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
Tis the season … Tis the WEEK!! Are YOU ready?? If you asked Diana that question right now, she would have a breakdown. I guess you could say we are NOT ready at this moment. But we will get there.
IMMEDIATE DOWNSIZING MEASURES EMPLOYED
Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost-effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call-waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be more productive.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congresspersons. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congresspersons this year.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney’s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (“thirteen lawyers-a-suing”), action is pending.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the most efficient number.
Is YOUR church an Acts 2 church?? Take the test and see!! (From Acts 2:42-47):
- They were devoted to the teaching of God’s word
- They were devoted to fellowship with each other
- They were devoted to celebrating communion together
- They were devoted to prayer
- They were “awed” by God
- Many wonders and miracles were done among them
- They helped each other as each had need
- They continually worshiped
- They liked spending time with each other
- They praised God
- The way they lived attracted others to life in Christ
- And God was SAVING OTHERS through their work
This week has been a wild one. And at the end of the week I find myself very disappointed in some folks. And that’s all I really can say about that.
I had to use this from mikeysfunnies.com today for TWO REASONS:
1. It is funny!
2. I’ve had one of those weeks FULL of things that I can NEVER blog or tweet about!!
So, here goes:
TWELVE THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD DO WITH A FRUITCAKE
1. Paint a few white and place them outside on the grass so people won’t park on your lawn.
2. Use it as building material. (This is actually what the Ancient Egyptians used to build the Great Pyramids.)
3. Keep one under your pillow for home defense.
4. Send one to the junk mail company with a note asking them to take you off their list.
5. It’s colorful, use it as a Yule Log.
6. Carve the Presidents’ faces in one and submit it as a science project.
7. Give one to your boss and tell him it’s a life preserver.
8. Use it as a base for flower arrangements.
9. Donate to the local airport for use as airliner wheel blocks.
10. Grind a few up and give it back to your in-laws in a bag marked “lawn fertilizer.”
11. For a community project, sink a few in the ocean and build an artificial reef.
12. Tie one to each foot when you walk through deep snow to keep your feet dry.
TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR HOLIDAY TV SPECIALS
10. Rudolph The Insurance Adjuster
9. Mary, Joseph, and the Donkey’s Wet, Hacking Cough
8. It’s an Above Average Life
7. A Charlie Brown Parole Hearing
6. Frosty 2: The Revenge
5. It’s a Claymation Hanukkah!
4. The Whoville Seven
3. Live from Las Vegas: The Grinch IS Elvis!!
2. The Innkeeper’s Dental Appointment
1. The Night Santa Snapped
Copyright 1997 Dave Tippett (djtippHA@yahoo.com). Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.
Only a minister could even understand THAT. Yesterday I was talking to my friends and the topic was the overuse of TGIF!! I told them TGIM!! I think they understood…
Sunday is the PINNACLE of the Christian week. And the most stressful for the CHURCH STAFF!! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Sundays. But after pouring myself out on Sunday, I feel like a Mack truck hit me head on EVERY MONDAY. That is why many pastors take Mondays off. I’ve found there is more going on Monday than on Friday, hence my choice of the END of the week as the day off. Yes, today will drag. Yes, I will feel like I got two hours of sleep. But TGIM!
Today I will get some administrative work done. Today I really won’t focus too much on Sunday’s sermon. Once I start that process on Tuesday, I work on it every day until Sunday … Today is kind of a MENTAL day-off for me. And some of you thought I was on a permanent mental vacation!!!! (Sometimes I believe that, too!)
So today I will deal with a broken computer. Helping to put the church back together after the Children’s musical last night (WHICH WAS PHENOMINAL!!) Visiting a couple of people in the hospital. And caroling tonight, followed by a Christmas party with Diana.
(By the end of the night I might be uttering TGI TUESDAY!!)