Today’s Funny from Mikey

Let me go on the record to say I don’t agree with all of these, but some of them hit the nail on the head!

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY:
~ Duct tape won’t fix that.
~ We don’t keep firearms in this house.
~ Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
~ You can’t feed that to the dog.
~ I thought Graceland was tacky.
~ No kids in the back of the pick-up – it’s not safe.
~ Wrasslin’s fake.
~ Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
~ We’re vegetarians.
~ Do you think my hair is too big?
~ I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
~ Who’s Richard Petty?
~ Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
~ Deer heads detract from the decor.
~ Spitting is such a nasty habit.
~ Trim the fat off that steak.
~ The tires on that truck are too big.
~ Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
~ Checkmate.
~ She’s too old to be wearing a bikini.
~ Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
~ Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
~ I don’t have a favorite college team.
~ Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
~ Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
~ Elvis who?

(www.mikeysfunnies.com)