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PARENTS: Beware of Helicopters!!

18 Nov

Have you ever ridden in a helicopter? One of my bucket list items for sure. HOPEFULLY NOT A MEDIVAC, but a plain helicopter. Looks like fun!!! However, sometimes not so much …

I grew up the son of two hard-working people. Being the only son of three children, I kind of naturally migrated to help my dad… He was a commercial HVAC master. In that, he learned and taught me about HVAC, electrical work, plumbing, gas, and a ton of other things. My dad would adapt and overcome. If there was something he did not know about, he would learn it. When there was a problem there was always a solution of some sort. He taught me to keep working and work hard. When I went into IT work, the electrical part of that training served me well and I continued to grow in that area.

Fast-forward to a few years ago: I was talking to a good friend who is an electrician and was wondering what it takes to earn an electrician’s license in South Carolina. He reminded me that, of course, there is an amount of practical engineering knowledge that you would have to learn and demonstrate. And then a period of apprenticeship, which I believe was 2000 hours of working with a licensed electrician.

WHY? Surely if you know the book knowledge, you could do that job? RIGHT?? Well, you can have all of the knowledge in the world, but if you don’t know how to apply it, what good is it? Can you REALLY do the job? (Also, there are things about that job and every job that a book cannot sufficiently prepare you for …)

I first heard the term “helicopter parenting” a couple of decades ago. In a nutshell, a helicopter parent hovers over their children and can, at times, micromanage their lives. This becomes a problem when it comes time for children to live as adults and are unable to “adult.” They are unable to handle their own life business because they never had to learn how. They never were able to apprentice.

As a pastor, I now see the cycle of “helicopter children” becoming “helicopter parents” and some are struggling because they don’t even know how to relate to people and get things done on their own, let alone for their children. That struggle is REAL! Just ask some of my teacher friends.

What can be done? Parents, BREAK THE CYCLE. It is never too late to teach. Grandparents, COME ALONGSIDE AND HELP ALL THAT YOU CAN. And remind them that you won’t always be there to help. Teach them how to SURVIVE and THRIVE!!!

Remember … This is just my opinion. Just something I see almost every day. And if I can help, call the church!! I’ll try to help as much as I can!!!

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The Hardest Part

1 May

“Be a Pastor” they said…. “It’lll be easy” they quipped.

In the words of Dwight K. Schrute “FALSE!”

It’s more than Sundays and Wednesdays. It’s more than weddings and funerals. So much more. Most People don’t believe that. They don’t spend time with pastors, praying with them and their struggles. They don’t see the hours that go in behind the scenes. They don’t know the struggles of families. They aren’t there when someone gets mad at God and the only way they know how to vent that anger is to focus it on a church staff member. All of those are tough, but they pale in comparison to the hardest part.

I was telling a friend yesterday that the hardest part really is in knowing the secrets. The pains that people keep covered. Families falling apart. Illness that no one can know of. And even more. And many times, the pastor takes it all in with no outlet. No release.

From my days working with my dad and later my IT days, I liken this to a capacitor. A capacitor is a device that stores energy and releases it when needed. And a capacitor with no release eventually burns up.

That’s why I’m thankful for events like the D6 Conference (which I attended last week). It gave me a chance to stop taking things in for just a moment, so slow down. And to think.

And when THAT happens, I hear God speaking much more clearly. And things happen!!!!

It’s a People Issue

29 Apr

This past week I had the opportunity to attend the D6 Southeast Conference in Florida. D6 is an organization dedicated to a return to biblical discipleship within the church… But hold on sec: That might not mean what you think it means. In fact, you’ll need to listen to my next few sermons to get the gist of THAT part.

One of the speakers shared a statistic that is haunting the American church right now. And, if it doesn’t haunt you, you need to check your heart. While I do not have his source, our speaker shared that 67% of American parents identify as “Christian.” But only 2% hold what is known as a Biblical worldview. In simpler terms, AI says this: “A Biblical worldview is a way of interpreting and responding to life based on the teachings of the Bible. It’s a comprehensive framework for understanding God, creation, humanity, morality, and purpose, all derived from God’s revealed truth.”

So, this is saying that only 2% of parents in America believe in living by the Book. Why would this be??

It is CLEARLY a PEOPLE ISSUE. Let.s explore that more…

In recent communiques as a pastor, I was reading about how pastors struggle now with the fact that the general public has a mistrust of pastors. Certainly Jim Bakker and televangelists of years gone by have contributed to this. Countless news articles about pastors who’ve stolen money from churches, pastors caught in abusive situations, pastors who have been caught in affairs, and every other mistake that is deemed newsworthy, all of these have made local pastors harder and harder to trust in the eyes of the general public. Then you can add in disgruntled church members who take great pleasure and find fertile soil on which to trash a pastor for a mistake or a mis-queue, and tongues that wag to hear and share the latest gossip. When you mix all of this up with the post-Covid angry world that we live in, the general public that does not know a pastor will have a very hard time trusting that pastor.

Then, you have churches. Churches are not buildings or addresses. Churches are made up of people. Some of those people live the Bible and try their best, and even they make mistakes. Then others will attend the church, serve on the committees, serve as a usher or in a public view, and then live lives that are absolutely contrary to God’s Word. And they are out every day working with, talking with, playing with, and among people who do not know Christ. When THOSE people see us (the church) talking like Heaven and living like Hell, they naturally WON’T believe God’s Word because they don’t even think that WE, the CHURCH, believe it.

So, as you can tell, what we have here is a failure to communicate …….. We have a PEOPLE PROBLEM. WE, the CHURCH, have a problem. And the problem is US!!

We can remedy this problem by starting small and LIVING God’s Word. Believing God’s Word. Start this small:

LOVE GOD WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART

LOVE OTHERS

Read the Bible and allow it to make a difference in our lives

I dare you to do that and see what happens!!!!!

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It all starts here…

24 Apr

Eons ago when I was in seminary, one of the foundational beliefs we were taught was the idea that, when it comes to children in the church, our words will reinforce what they are being taught at home. NOT trying to pass the buck to parents, mind you.

But a deep truth is this: your child is being discipled. Period. By the church (hopefully). By social media. By their peers. By their school. By the world. And there is probably no stronger discipling going on than by their families and ESPECIALLY by their parents.

Who will win? The strongest teacher will. Parents, grandparents, families, you MUST step up and do your part.

Churches, you MUST step up and help families fill in gaps. If we as churches don’t do this, we really are useless.

What is the Sabbath … REALLY??

23 Apr

Hello friends! It’s been a while. This week I’ve been able to attend the D6 Conference in FLA. Had a chance to catch my breath. To be challenged. To think about things and consider the future.

A few weeks ago a friend asked me to do a podcast on the Sabbath. What does it mean? And, seriously, what does it mean to YOU?

In Exodus 20 we find these words: 8 “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 “Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath of the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. 11 “For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day and made it holy. (NASB)

A basic analysis of the Ten Commandments shows us that the first four commandments deal with humanity’s relationship with God, and the last six deal with humanity’s relationship with each other. But if you REALLY look at this thoroughly, you would probably come to the conclusion that the first three pertain to humanity’s relationship with God, and that numbers 5 – 10 (the last six) could be considered a REFLECTION of God in how we deal with each other. And then there is number FOUR.

REMEMBER THE SABBATH AND KEEP IT HOLY. YES, the Sabbath is a day of worship and reflection. A day on which we should honor God, worship God, and put Him first. But we should be doing that EVERY DAY. What we who follow Christ consider as our holy day is for God and for us. It IS a day to focus on God but also a day to heal from the past week and prepare for the next week. When God elaborated on the Sabbath to Moses, He did not prescribe offerings, prayers, and ceremonial worship. He laid it out as a day of rest. Of recovery. And if our relationship with HIM is hitting in the right spots, we WILL FIND THESE THINGS IN WORSHIP. If our relationship is NOT finding those spots, the true question for each of us is WHY NOT? And what can I do about that?

Another element of our recovery is our gathering with the local church. With our people. With people who DO believe as we believe and impact our lives. They make a difference. If we need to be bandaged from the wounds of the world, they are prepping the bandages and the first aid cream. When we find the right bunch, they will do this because they, too, love us. And they know that we would do the same thing for them. IF we haven’t found the right bunch, again, WHY NOT? Is it because we are in the wrong place at the wrong time? Are we not allowing people to get close due to lack of trust? Again, that is on us.

Finally, the Sabbath is clearly about REST. Our bodies need rest. Physical rest. Mental and emotional rest. Spiritual rest. If you are burning both ends of the candle, you eventually discover that you cannot do that forever. You will end up in the hospital or (heaven forbid) in the grave. You are not invincible. Take time to rest and regroup. God rested after six days of creation, but His rest was not a rest of exhaustion. It was a rest of completion. We need rest for exhaustion. When our lives become so busy that we meet ourselves coming down the street, we are barreling toward a bad place.

REST. Please!!!

The There is so much more theologically that could be discussed here. But, let’s get this one on the right track. Then maybe we can move on to something deeper.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Was that a THREAT??

15 Oct

Seriously … Are you threatening me?? Did you say that to take a shot at ME or to crumble my foundation?

(Okay, relax … Think about this …)

Carey Nieuwhof shared a thought yesterday that I cannot get out of my mind. A couple of years ago, I joined his “Art of Leadership Academy,” which allows me to interact with pastors and leaders across the globe. It has been a life-changer for me!! If you are interested, check it out at The Art of Leadership

Each Monday, Carey posts a question and we members get a chance to talk back and forth about it. This week, he hit a homerun for sure… The thought basically is that our culture has become such that we tie our individual identities to our beliefs to a point that “I am what I think.” “I am how I vote.” “I am what I support.”

THEREFORE, if someone doesn’t think the same way that I think, or vote the same way I vote, or support the same things I support, THEY ARE ATTACKING ME. THREATENING ME. DAMAGING MY VERY FOUNDATION. And, I am ready to FIGHT and DIE to protect ME.

Can you see the problem in this for a true disciple of Christ? In Philippians 1 when Paul wrote “to live is Christ,” do you think this cultural pattern would fit? Are we living as Christ if we are ready to fight and die over a candidate?? Or a sports team? Or a current issue?

I don’t think Paul would tell us NOT to have personal beliefs about politics and about life. But wouldn’t he remind us to show them Christ, even if we disagree? There will always be points on which we disagree… That is a fact of life. That is just a fact that we are different people. I think this even applies to people who make life choices that are clearly unbiblical, clearly against the word of God. Clearly sinful. Again, Paul is not telling us to embrace or normalize the sin. But he would remind us to love those who sin. By the way … He also wrote that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Rom 3:23)

This is not easy. We will disagree. People will disappoint us. But we are still called to LOVE.

Think about it.

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Family First

31 May

When I think back over my time in ministry, I do have regrets. I know perhaps I shouldn’t, but I do. I am not perfect and have definitely made mistakes. And, yes, there are many things I would change. And most of those things revolve around my family.

Ministry is probably harder on a family than on the minister his/her self. They prepare us in seminary to be tough and to be prepared for anything. So when difficulty is aimed at you, you are able to maintain some resilience and keep moving forward. But who prepares your family? Who prepares a spouse who knows you well enough to know how it hurts even when you try to put on that resilient face? Who prepares children who don’t understand the nuances of church politics and the nature of people, but they hear the things said about their parent? (I think there is a special place in heaven for pastor’s kids and spouses …)

But, minister, there are things you can do to help this situation. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY!! MAKE THEM A PRIORITY!!! My greatest regrets are the times in their lives when I left to go and do church things. Some of those were absolutely necessary. In hindsight, some of them weren’t. But every time I stepped away, I missed out on important things in their lives. And they honestly are more important to me than anything other than God Himself.

Find those ways, as best you are able, to put them first. You will not regret it. At the end of your life, they will (hopefully) will be the ones surrounding you when you are stepping into that final journey. When you step away from a church, that pulpit will be filled the following Sunday. But when you take those final step away from their presence, you will be irreplaceable. Right?????

Optimism or Pessimism? You choose ….

23 May

Today, you have a choice to make. Today and everyday. Will you migrate to positive thoughts, or negatives?

One of the toxic traits of “introvertism” is that some of us over think life. We analyze too much. We try to be at least seven steps ahead of what is current. It is a natural result of spending too much time alone in our heads. But there are choices that we (and extroverts and everyone in between) can make that will impact our lives and the lives of those around us for good or for bad. Will we look for positives or negatives?

We meet new people. We interact with those we know. Will we look for positives in them or negatives? I will guarantee if you look for NEGATIVES, you will find them. Those negatives will influence how you speak, think, act, and do. (By the way, if anyone looks at ME or you, they will find negatives if they look hard enough. None of us is perfect!!!!)

Likewise, if we look for positives, we will find them. The positives might show us the potential of others. And they, too, will influence how we “do life.” And the same rules also apply to situations!!!

Sometimes life can grind us down to a point where we only look for the negatives. If you are there, you eventually won’t even see the positives. And that is a dark place.

So, what will it be?? Positives or negatives? And what kind of impact do you think either of these will have on your quality of life and on your physical, mental, and emotional health?

Something to think about …..

Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Changes …..

16 May

In every way, our world (at least in the US) changed dramatically in early 2020. I not going to write the “C” word, but it changed how we do almost everything we do. It changed our outlook, our habits, our vantage points in life. We are still reeling from the change. But, should we really blame the pandemic?

Anyone who really knows me knows that I am a data geek. That goes all the way back to a lifetime ago when I was a computer programmer and software / hardware developer. We are talking the mid 1980’s, you know, back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth and a cellphone could also be used as a doorstop. My love for data and research has led me to be an avid reader of the likes of Barna, Rainer, and Nieuwhof. When the three of these sources intersect, I very much sit up and take notice.

I think Carey Nieuwhof has says this best when he says that the pandemic didn’t CAUSE the change in the church. The pandemic accelerated what was already coming! (I do not have a direct reference on this, but have heard him say this many times in the Art of Leadership academy, of which I am a thankful member!! All three of these sources agree with common sense: If we are to continue to BE the church Christ called us to be, we need to seek His face in figuring out how to reach our changing world!! And we probably won’t reach our world by keeping things the same way they’ve been for the past few decades.

The message of the Gospel is unchangeable! Make no mistake about that! We have no right to change the Gospel to meet our expectations and needs! We have no right to change the Gospel by watering it down to make it more appealing to the world! But our methods need to change. One of the greatest sins of the North American church is a holier-than-thou approach. We expect people to clean themselves up to our standards before we will let them into the club… The real joke of this is that NONE of us are capable of cleaning ourselves up enough to be deserving of salvation in Jesus Christ. So, why would we expect that of anyone else?

Love God with all of our hearts. Love each other as much as we love ourselves. Love our enemies. Pray for those who persecute us. Those are the very words of Christ. And, just before He ascended to Heaven after the resurrection He told us to GO, MAKE DISCIPLES, BAPTIZE THEM, TEACH THEM, and that He would help us do that every step of the way.

So these changes cause us discomfort? So we are not too crazy about reaching our to our enemies? Have no fear … Jesus promised that He would be with us always and He would help us. Trust Him.

One Pastor’s Perspective

16 May

Today begins a new chapter for David Wike. My grandson said something to me last night that inspired me to write more. So I am taking my blog in a new direction.

While anyone is welcome to read this, I am writing to pastors. To ministers. To anyone serving in a local church or ministry setting. I will, to the best of my ability, be honest about ministry. This blog could bore you to tears… (In that case, why are you reading it??) This blog could make you mad. Or it might help.

In the coming days and weeks, you might see a post or two. Probably won’t be a daily thing, but you never know. The topics will center around ministry stuff and challenges that ministers face. I hope and pray it helps someone.

Last night after our mid-week Bible study at Ebenezer, my grandson asked me “Papa, have you been speechin’?” I took a deep breath and answered, “Yes, I guess I have.” He then added “I’m too little to speech … But when I get bigger I will.”

Another deep breath … And a smile. And a spark.

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