One Pastor's Perspective

Last night at the youth Christmas party, Keith Pettigrew and I were sent on a pizza run. We had a house full of kids and not a lot of food. Dena called it in and we hit the road . . .

When we got there, we found a Papa Johns that was understaffed and several impatient people standing around. Our pizza order had about three minutes left so we stood there with everyone else. Phones were ringing off the hook, guys with flour all over them were answering, it was utter chaos. Then I saw our stack of pizza and the guy finally went back to get it.

BUT . . . One of the guys yelled at the cooks, “YOU SHORTED ME A CHEESE!” About a minute later, he came up front and told us they missed one pizza and it would be about five minutes.

In reality, five “pizza man” minutes is actually about TWELVE. In the mean time, almost all of the people in there with us are getting impatient, because they are getting their stuff at a snail’s pace.

The happy ending is, we finally got our pizza and got back to the youth house. The youth, of course, had ALREADY EATEN and were in their worship service. But a bunch of us adults had fresh, hot pizza. And when the kids finally got out, they had COLD pizza (and ate it up like crazy).

All in all, it was a very merry Christmas.

To: Mall Santas
From: Management

Welcome aboard in your new role as one of “Santa’s Helpers.” Please review the following guidelines carefully, so that the mall and its patrons can have a happy, healthy and non-litigious holiday season.
1.) As you’ve no doubt heard, “Ho Ho Ho” is no longer considered an acceptable holiday greeting, having been deemed potentially offensive to women and gardeners. The substitute “Ha Ha Ha” has also been banned, as it is possibly damaging to a child’s self-esteem. Also, Santas overheard saying “Merry Christmas” will be summarily removed from the premises. Instead, we recommend you listen attentively to the children, nod, and affect a blank stare devoid of any emotion, particularly fear. They can sense fear.
2.) Please keep in mind that not all children believe in Santa Claus or celebrate Christmas. However, please make no attempt to determine this based on physical cues, such as yarmulkes or “Proud Jehovah’s Witness” T-shirts, as this would be considered profiling. If you have any questions, please consult the mall’s attorney, who will be standing behind the fake snowman.
3.) Plump Santas are no longer considered “jolly.” Instead, they serve as a bleak reminder of our nation’s struggle with obesity and are a poor role model to our increasingly overweight and inactive children. Please make every effort to appear slim and fit, and to encourage children to leave you celery and soy products rather than cookies and hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. Also, please note that smoking is permitted in the break room only.
4.) Please do not promise children that Santa will bring them anything in particular, as promising a gift that the parents cannot afford or do not approve of could result in a lengthy and expensive lawsuit. Be pleasant but non-committal. If the child is persistent, try to distract him with one of the celery sticks we now give out in lieu of candy canes; if that doesn’t work, send him behind the snowman to speak to the attorney.
5.) It has been deemed inappropriate, and a serious legal risk, to have children sitting on a strange bearded man’s lap. This year the children will sit on a stool, separated from you by a sheet of soundproof Plexiglas. This also serves the purpose of keeping you from being able to hear their gift requests (see No. 4).
6.) The concept of elves has been determined to be offensive to a host of protected groups, including little people, pointy-eared people and people with high squeaky voices. However, so as to give you the support you need, we are looking at several possible replacements. Right now we’re leaning toward attorneys.
We’re sure that if you follow these simple guidelines you will succeed in making the children’s visits with Santa as unremarkable and non-offensive as possible. Welcome aboard the team here at the mall, and have a merry … a happy … Oh, whatever.
——————-
(Copyright 2007 Peter Chianca. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.)

today’sTHOT============================
Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.

(To subscribe to Mikey’s Funnies, go to www.mikeysfunnies.com)

Last week, 80 degrees in Florence, SC. Last night on the way home from basketball (approx 9:15), it was 26 on one of the bank thermometers. TWENTY-SIX!! Google says it is 24 right now in Florence.

I have always been more partial to warm weather. I like bumming around in t-shirts and shorts. Dressing up for me in the summer could include a nice pair of shorts and a polo shirt (if Diana will permit). I would probably preach in those clothes if I could get away with it.

This year, for some reason, I am ready for it to be cold. 80 degrees on the 12th of December is unnatural. But, thanks to our friends in the global warming department, these kinds of temp swings will probably occur more often untill the polar ice caps melt and we are living on a planet much like the “Waterworld” bomb starring Kevin Costner. (Hey . . . wait a tick . . . Dennis Hopper was in that movie, too. HOW DID IT BOMB??)

Anyway, it IS beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. And right now, that is alright with me.

Can YOU believe that Christmas is 8 days away??? Can YOU believe 2007 is almost over!

I have blogged this before, and I will again: The older I get, the faster time flies. They say time flies when you are having fun . . . WHEN IS IT GOING TO GET FUN AROUND HERE??

Last night our basketball league kicked off. And, we also had our first “incident.” A kid from a church that, honestly, has LOTS of these problems, got in trouble. One of the staff members from this church decided to charge the floor WHILE the game was still going and take on Andrew Parker, one of the folks helping to run the league. Big mistake. I will be calling her boss today.

Why do adults act like this?? KIDS ACT OUT LIKE THIS BECAUSE OF THE EXAMPLES THEY SEE. I don’t care how bad you think the refs are, you cannot yell at them if you are a player or a coach. AND CERTAINLY IF YOU ARE IN THE STANDS, YOU CANNOT CHARGE THE FLOOR. Those are the kinds of things that get you thrown out of the gym.

Remember, adults, we are setting the tone for how our children behave . . .

Since I have been chastised recently for blogging about my family, I will use no names. Lets just say that one of my family members got a ticket a while back. Florence City Police, at it again with their little laser toy, got her. Everyone told us to go in and plead “Wreckless Operation,” a recent plea one can enter that will alledgedly NOT affect your insurance but will charge you a higher fine. Okay, on the advise of several, that is what we did.

THAT IS NOT TRUE!!! Our insurance went up anyway, and upon talking to my insurance folks, there was really NO INSURANCE BENEFIT in pleading that way! ALL IT DID WAS COST US MORE MONEY!

Sure, somebody is laughing all the way to the bank . . . But it is NOT the Wike family!

As quickly as a slip and fall . . . Krissy and I were pitching on Monday and she slipped. That doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. Not that big of a deal, right?? I heard her clete slip, but what I saw next was scary . . . She went straight down, left knee first, onto the infield. Immediately she rolled into a ball and felt great pain. And, to make a long story short, she is now on crutches and in physical therapy with a hyperextesion and a dislocation of the top of her kneecap.

And, she went to weight training yesterday . . . And she wants to go skiing . . . And she thinks she might be able to pitch next week. And she wants to get off the crutches asap . . . THEY HURT!

She is 17 and still believes she is invincible. I wish she were . . . But, I am an old man that had several injuries playing sports. I know she has to do what the doctor says and get well first. Funny how history repeats itself (and high school athletes are hard-headed).

Insignificance: The Story of Bethlehem

I found myself asking the question I ask every December . . . When I find myself at the gym, late on a weeknight, with a whistle in my mouth and little people running all around me. After the great Referee Fiasco of last season, I promised myself I would not do this again. And yet, I find myself trying to teach a simple offense to a bunch of 12 year old boys who have too much Guitar Hero and AIM running around in their heads to get it.

I remember the first team I ever coached . . . Intramurals in 1983. I had a junior high team that won it all. I did it because it got me out of class to go and have practices with them. I did it because all of the other guys on my varsity team were doing it. In the end, I loved it and we WON.

Through the years, I coached the jv team at my old school three times. The first two seasons were good . . . The third not so good, but I had fun. Ever since I have been at Ebenezer, I have coached basketball. Not the best coach out there, but no one loves it more.

I guess that is why I do it. I DO know more about basketball than most any of those Maple Park guys know about baseball. If I could practice them five days a week, we would be a killing machine. But I have to settle for once a week, and a whole lot of fun.

That is not so bad. That is why I do it.

Absolutely . . . Let me count the ways: Well, there are things that have happened this week that I won’t share right now. But, GOD has a great sense of humor and when we worry about things He just chuckles and continues to be in control. You will see what I mean. I promise.

Anyway, God is awesome and we cannot forget to TRUST HIM!!! Don’t worry, just TRUST!