How to get rid of your preacher

7 Aug

The following was forwarded to me by one of my friends, with credit at the end.  Made me laugh!  Hope you do too!

 

 

HOW TO GET RID OF YOUR PREACHER

Not long ago a well-meaning group of laymen came from a neighboring church to see me. They wanted me to advise them on

some convenient and painless method of getting rid of their pastor.  I’m afraid, however, that I wasn’t much help to them.

 

At the time I had not had the occasion to give the matter serious thought. But since then I have pondered the matter a great deal,

and the next time anyone comes for advice on how to get rid of a pastor, here’s what I’ll tell him:

1. Look the pastor straight in the eye while he’s preaching and say “Amen” once in a while and he’ll preach himself to death.

2. Pat him on the back and brag on His good points and he’ll probably work himself to death.

3. Rededicate your life to Christ and ask the preacher for some job to do, preferably some lost person you could win to Christ, and

he’ll die of heart failure.

4. Get the church to unite in prayer for the preacher and he’ll soon become so effective that some larger church will take him off your

hands.

 

Quoted in You and Your Pastor, Radio Bible Class, J. Reed, The Pastor as a Theologian,  in Walvoord: A Tribute, Donald

Campbell, ed., Moody, 1982, p. 273.

Remaining in Him

4 Aug

It boggles my mind … I guess it’s human nature.  But I don’t see how anyone can claim the promises of God while walking away from Him and everything He is about.  To use God’s word as a smoke-screen, covering sin, is an abomination before Him.  And yet, it happens every day.

In John 15, Jesus reminded us that HE is the vine and WE are the branches.  He challenged His disciples to remain in Him and in His word … to love each other with the kind of love God has for us … and to obey His commands.  If we do these things, our lives will bear fruit that glorifies God.  And Jesus reminded us to not think this is something we can do under our own power.  Just like the branches, we MUST REMAIN ATTACHED TO THE VINE.

You can front on Facebook, Twitter, in real life and fool the entire world with your double-life.  You cannot fool God and you cannot fake the fruit that glorifies Him.  End of story.

Late Night Fun

29 Jul

Yes, we had some fun around the Chadwick subdivision last night …. So much, I didn’t sleep from all the activity!!  For Diana and me, it all started as I took Roma out for one last walk before we went to bed around 11pm.  As I walked off the front porch, I saw someone walk around Diana’s van and stare me down.  I asked “What are yall doing over there?” and immediately realized exactly WHAT they were doing.  I ran back to the front door and called Diana … They ran up the street.

We hopped in the car and saw Russ Watson walking Bruiser.  Russ saw them trying to break into Diana’s door and told me where he saw the run.  We traced their trail but they were gone.  Now, the FIRST thing we did was call 911, as we were backing the car out of the driveway.  The Florence County Sheriffs Office had TWO cars in the neighborhood within 5 minutes.

After we told them where they’d been seen, the deputies started doing their job.  Long story short, within 25 minutes they had the two minors in the back of the car. Apparently they were walking through Chadwick on their way home from the McLeod Park Skateboard Park and decided to give “breaking into cars” a try.

I know every neighborhood has problems like this from time to time.  I remember a few years ago when this was rampant in Hampton Pointe.  And in the ten years we’ve lived in Chadwick, we’ve only had ONE car break-in.  Of course, I’m not counting last night because they didn’t get in.  All they succeeded in doing was putting a scratch on our passenger door.

I am thankful for the Florence County Sheriff’s Office and the quick job they did last night of finding those kids.  And I pray that maybe last night was an ending (instead of a beginning) of a criminal career.

I believe in God

28 Jul

Have you ever watched “My name is Earl?”  Earl was a small-time petty criminal who had something good happen in his life, saw Carson Daly talking about kharma in an interview, and decided to dedicate his life to righting the wrongs he’d done to keep kharma on his good side!!  Funny sitcom premise … but is it real???

Well, I believe God has a sense of humor.  AND sometimes what goes around comes around.  Our sin will come back to us in ways that are more than coincidental.  But, believe me, God is in control of all that exists!!

Probably 14 years ago, Ebenezer had a men’s basketball league.  It is solely responsible for the blood pressure medicine I take today!!!  As Minister of Youth and Recreation, I had the unfortunate pleasure of directing that league when I could find no one willing to do it (because of stuff like this).  I’ll never forget the night a young man was thrown out of a game and he got wildly angry.  He was out of control.  The last thing he told me as he was dragged out of the Family Life Center by his team was “I’ll burn this building down!!!”  That league was so bad this didn’t even alarm me.  It was mild in comparison to some of the things people had screamed at me because they’d been suspended for fighting, or cussing refs out, or cussing me out.  I didn’t even bother reporting it.  But, what happened next was definitely a God-thing!!

Back then, Kenney Boone(who is a member at EBC) was the arson investigator for the Florence County Sheriff’s Office.  He’d invited the guys on church staff to come down to Effingham and tour the jail.  It happened to be the day after this incident.  As we were touring the jail, we rounded a corner AND THERE HE WAS.  I don’t even remember his name, but he worked at the jail!!!!  And I was there with the arson investigator!!!!  I think he soiled himself ….

What is the moral of this story??  God knows and hears EVERYTHING.  God is a God of justice.  And He has a sense of humor!  Don’t ever threaten to burn His house down!

Under Attack

27 Jul

A fact of life for every Christian is that we will face attack from Satan if we are pursuing God’s will.  The enemy will try everything in his power to knock us off track because he wants to see the kingdom of God fail, the church fail, the family fail, the Christian fail.  One of the most difficult things for me (as a pastor) is watching this happen to others.  But, we can ALL do more than watch!!!  Ever thought about prayer as a WEAPON??

Jesus Christ LOVES YOU and HAS A PLAN FOR YOU.  He is interceding for you at this moment.  Paul wrote to the church at Rome that the Holy Spirit intercedes for you and prays for you even when you don’t know what to pray.  When you are at your lowest, the Holy Spirit is praying for YOU!!!!  Prayer is powerful!

In Ephesians 6, Paul challenged us to put on the full armor of God:

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

God provides everything you need to make it through this … And I AM PRAYING FOR YOU.  And, if you are facing the fiery darts launched by Satan, I’ll just betcha there are other Christians praying for you, too!!  BE STRONG IN THE LORD!  Recognize our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against Satan!

Where am I???

20 Jul

Okay, I haven’t blogged in a while.  I really need to fix that.  And this morning, I have a real milestone to post:

For the first time in almost 20 weeks (tomorrow makes 20), I SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is great cause for celebration, if no where else, in my heart!!!!  And there really is nothing like a good night’s sleep!!!  As far as therapy goes, I’m still going.  Three times a week.  Three hours a shot.  And we make progress every day.  Every day I find new things I am able to do.  And for all this, I am thankful!!!

By the way:  I type this with TWO HA NDS for the first time in 20 weeks !!!!!

Where are you??

11 Jul

For a pastor, Mondays are difficult.  Yes, I know Mondays are difficult for all.  But it’s hard to pour out your heart on a Sunday and pull it all back together to face the baggage that comes along with this office.  Sometimes it’s just too much.

Yesterday I preached a sermon about letting our faith be a lasting faith.  In other words, not only being faithful in hard times but in ALL times.  Colossians 2 was my text.  I really believe God led me there because we are the epitome of a good-time church.  We lean heavily on God in the tough times and then puff our chests out during the good times, forgetting about Him.  I also believe we are a church that neglects each other.  We take forgranted the fact that we need each other.

And there were many, many Ebenezerites that needed to hear that sermon that missed it.  And that really does break my heart.  And it makes me think.

And then the voice of one of my seminary professors rings loud and clear:  “Don’t make any major decisions on a Monday!”  Guess I’ll go have another cup of coffee …

If Life were a sitcom …

6 Jul

I am a product of the TV generation!  I freely admit it!  I grew up watching wayyyy too much television!  The only positive to this is I can KILL: you on 70s and 80s tv and movie trivia!!!

What if life were like a sitcom??  Then every man would be a blithering idiot … every woman a genius … and almost every problem of life solved within 30 minutes!!!  Oh, if that last one were only true!!

The problems of life come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  Some last only minutes, some are with us for decades.  Some are easily solved, some take great pain and much time.  Sometimes I wonder if, deep down, tv has conditioned us to always expect the easy answers and quick solutions??  If so, maybe that’s why we get so frustrated with life!!!

SLOW DOWN AND KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL.  He really is!!!

OK … enough blogging … I Love Lucy has got to be on some channel ….

What’s happening???

6 Jul

It’s been a couple of weeks since I last blogged.  Therapy is still going slowly, but I do see progress everyday.  I had a dream last night that I could dribble a basketball … kind of sad that is a dream topic!!!

I was thankful too be able to participate in the wedding of Merrette Lane and Matt Dowdell this weekend.  It was at the Galllery on Hilton Head Island, a great outdoor venue overlooking the waterway.  It was really cool and well-done!

And so now, finally, I can get back into somewhat of a routine!!  A couple of months of physical therapy and things should be even more normal!!!

The Doctor’s Visit

21 Jun

I went to see Dr. Mezzanotte this morning.  It had been 10 weeks since my last recheck, and Thursday is 16 weeks from that day I should’ve cut work!

I went in planning to ask for a smaller brace, to be allowed to drive, to get some help for my right shoulder, and maybe get a little help with my sleep problem.  The shoulder issues are the fact that, to date, I really don’t have much elbow pain, but my shoulders are another story.  The shoulder discomfort wakes me up, usually around 2 am, at which time I move to my recliner.  Yes, I haven’t slept through the night in 16 weeks!!

What I received was far better than that for which I hoped!!  The brace??  GONE.  (I do still have elbow and shoulder issues though … Not out of the woods or done with therapy by a long shot).  Drive??  YES!!  Help with right shoulder??  DONE!!  Therapy order written for right shoulder (even though we are done with right elbow therapy).  Sleep issues??  Discussed and we have a plan to try a couple of things before a pill (an option of which I approve).

This is a great illustration of God’s plan versus our plans!  Had things worked out the way I wanted them, I would still be in a brace!!!

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